Welcome to List Wars
Saturday, January 11, 2003
The Coolest of the Cool character list. Send 10 characters into the Halls of Cooldome and banish the rest.
The list now has 14 names, after two rounds it will be a TOP 10. In the first round 4 names will eliminated and 2 new names will be added. The new names will be from your suggestions. 12 names will enter round two but only 10 names will leave triumphant.
1. Snake Plissken (Escape from New York part I and II) - Anti-Hero Poster Boy for Cool characters that get the 'Raw Deal' by 'Da Man'. Snake is a former Green Beret and current accused felon who is chosen to rescue the President from Manhattan Island Federal Prison. With his dry wit and his contemptuousness of anyone in authority, we immediately know he is among the coolest of the cool. He growls, mumbles, curses and shoots people, barely pausing long enough to mumble some smart-ass 'hero line'. With a name like Snake Plissken, he just has to be cool and he has a black pirate patch to boot.
2. Conan the Barbarian (not the Destroyer who wasn't nearly as cool) - Conan knew what was good in life. He even made an eloquent speech about it in his movie... something about "crushing your enemies, driving them before you and listening to the lamentation of the women". Conan is huge and has a bad ass sword to kick ass with. He also has good and loyal buddies who join him on his travels, Conan of course is the leader. Conan is a master of many forms of combat. His ability with the sword is unparalleled and few can match his brute physical strength. He also has a sharp wit and a keen intellect, although most people underestimate him as being a mindless savage because of his appearance and lack of a 'civilized' education. Conan had a tough life, his parents were killed by James Earl Jones and he was sold into slavery. Conan becomes a Gladiator thus beginning his journey into Cooldome. After gaining his freedom, he gets his revenge on James Earl Jones. Overcoming his tough life, Conan is un-jaded, he has a strict moral code and sense of ethics stronger than most men. Conan is often dark and grim. But, he also enjoys the good life and has a tendency to indulge in good food, strong drink, and willing wenches. His religious spirituality is also very cool. His god is Crom. Conan never seems to pray but every so often when something weird happens good or bad, Conan will quietly say "Crom" and then go about his business of kicking ass or doing some other cool activity.
3. James Bond - James has got a lot going for him. Watch any of his movies and you will know what I'm talking about.
4. Blade - Blade is a DayWalker, a title that seems to hold a ton of esteem and envy in the Vampire world. So he got a head start on Coolness from birth. Do the math and you can mathematically prove Blade is Cool.: Half Vampire + Half Human = Total Coolness. See it's simple science. Blade has got some really cool weapons and he is really good at using them. No matter how many vampires and thug humans you throw at him he always wins.
5. Mad Max (Mad Max, The Road Warrior, Beyond Thunderdome) - The loner with a heart of gold. Mad Max traveled the wastelands in search of Gas to fuel his post apocalyptic muscle car. Against his loner instincts he unwittingly becomes the savior to disenfranchised tribes of wasteland denizens. What makes Max cool is he puts zero effort into being cool. He doesn't need to soup up his car like the batmobile. He doesn't need no super high tech gun to fight off ravaging hordes of motorized marauders, he has a double barreled revolver that needs to be reloaded after every two shots. He doesn't wear a costume of have cool gadgets. But in the end, he looked cool, acted cool and had cool stuff. Not only did he have a cool car and a cool gun but if there was one hot chick still left in the wasteland she would fall in love with him.
6. Dirty Harry - The original renegade cop who destroys more police property than an LA riot. Harry Callahan has a gritty unshaven look that Clint Eastwood has perfected into ultimate coolness. He single-handedly made the 44 magnum a household name. He also is responsible for some of the coolest catch phrase 'one liners': "make my day" and "are you feeling lucky punk".
7. Ripley (Alien Series) - Ripley is one of the most interesting sci-fi characters ever created and by far among the coolest. She pioneered the role of strong female lead character that kicks ass. Ripley was fighting aliens before Buffy was a gleam in her fathers eye and before Larra Croft could raid a barbie doll collection. She is tough as nails, braver than hell, and keeps her cool when others panic. She fits right in with battle hardened space marines but also is feminine and can be tender and caring. She is witty, smart and can pull off a cool 'one liner' like the best of them. She knows how to skillfully operate any kind of weaponry or machinery she can get her hands on. She practically single-handedly destroys the entire alien nest, the alien queen AND rescues Nute.
Over the course of four movies Ripley has been through a lot. She and her kitten are the only survivors of the first movie after the Alien kills the rest of her crew. She is cryogenically frozen and travels through space only to awaken many years later back on earth. She is impregnated by an Alien, killed, brought back to life, has her DNA spliced and Diced with an Aliens. By the 4th movie Ripley is a genetically resurrected DNA crossed human-alien who is mom to a freakish half breed creature. Now she is cooler than ever.
8. Han Solo - The Swashbuckling smuggler of the outer rim. Han Solo is a simple kind of guy who rarely encounters a problem a blaster can't solve. Han gets to live the free wheelin bachelor life, traveling across the galaxy in search of fun, money, women and adventure with Chewbaka. When Han wants a break from his swinging lifestyle his good buddy Lando owns a Pleasure Palace in Cloud City he can visit expense free. Speaking of Chewy, he has got to be the coolest sidekick a cool guy could have. Han also seems to be the only one who speaks chewys language. Han is definitely a Player with the ladies, his skills could clearly be seen during his conquest of Leah. He knew just the right amount of playful tension to bestow on "Her Heiness" to first make her hate him but soon turn that feeling to love. In the short time span between Star Wars A New Hope and Return of the Jedi, Han is shagging up with Leah. He is DA MAN!!! If Han were from Earth he would be a beer drinking, football watching kind of guy.
9. Indianna Jones - Dr. Jones lives a duel lifestyle. He is suit wearing College Archeological Professor and a swashbuckling whip toting tomb raider. He wears a cool hat is good with a whip and much like Mad Max he puts no effort into trying to be cool.
10. Zorro - Zorro is one of those rare characters who's aura of coolness is so strong it transcends time, medium, and portrayal. It doesn't matter what actor plays Zorro, what year the film is made, Black and White, Color or even a cartoon. Zorro is cool in all forms. Zorro is also good with the ladies but is more selective in his women than other cool characters. While Bond will hook up with any dame that is good looking, rich or trying to kill him. While for Conan any willing wench will do, so long as she is flea and lice free. Zorro usually has his eye fixed one just one lucky lady. Staring at her lustily from behind his masked face.....
Zorro is a master swordsman who is a hero for the poor and a bane to the elite's. Zorro also has one of the coolest trademark calling cards ever. The sword etched Z
11. Strider AKA Aragorn Elessar (Lord of the Rings) - This is the cool guy everyone wants to be when playing Dungeons and Dragons. The mysterious man in black, who sits alone in the shadowy corner of the tavern. Strider has one of those legendery backgrounds that makes him a living legend. He's got respect from all the creatures of MiddleEarth for he is Aragorn the last heir to the the thrones of both Gondor and Arnor. Raised in secret by the Elves of Rivendell, Strider walks between two worlds, Elven and Human. His destiny is to someday reunite his kingdom and destroy the rule of Sauron, the Dark Lord. Striders an all around good guy who you would want to have your back in a dark alley. He is good at killing bad guys with a sword. He protects Frodo, leading the Fellowship through the wilds. What puts him over the top for Cooldome is that for him the male fantasy of having a pretty elf girl as a lover is a reality.
12. Doc Holliday (Tombstone) - "I'm your huckleberry"... He pretty much stole the show from Wyatt Earp in this movie. Fastest draw in the West and quick with a clever comment that was both a combination of insult and compliment. Doc was a dentist but gave it up for Gambling and Gun fights. Doc was ill so Doctors advised him to refrain from long nights at the gambling table in addition to alcohol and even bedroom activities. Of course Doc ignored the advise.
13. Shaft - Shaft has his own Cool theme music and all the ladies like him...enough said.
14. Duff Man - Duff Man has his own Cool theme music and Homer Simpson likes him. "Duff Man is Cool. Oh Yeaaaaa"